I'm tired, moody, irritable, hungry and I can't find a thing that fits. It's called pregnancy"
1. You are nauseated all day and no one ever warned you about the evening barf sessions.
2. You will not be able to cook for yourself for the next month and a half because every time you reach in the refrigerator to grab that spinach salad or some chicken... you will want to your hurl.
3. You crave and Taco Bell burritos because that is the only thing that sounds appealing to you. You order the fine cuisine "to go" and eat it in your car like a fatty.
4. You for some reason become super sensitive to cheese and other dairy products.
5. You have a clear mucous fluid-like discharge in your underwear all the time. This leaking feeling makes you constantly think your are bleeding. You run to the bathroom all the time checking. Then you find out that this phenomenon is completely normal and actually has a medical name to it called "leukorrhea." It is your body's way of keeping everything clean. Interesting isn't it?
6. Your husband cracks open an beer and you say, "I just want a taste, just a little taste!"
7. You have a favorite bathroom stall at work and get pissed when you walk into the bathroom and someone else is using it. That is where you pee every 30 mins. you have become attached.
8. A Nalgene water bottle becomes part of your fashion. You find yourself carrying it everywhere you go. You have to stay hydrated only to pee it all out 15 minutes later.
9. You start to have an unhealthy obsession with your profile and you are constantly looking at yourself in the mirror, windows, or anything with a reflection to see if you belly is popping out.
10. You want to cuddle with dear husband but find yourself on FIRE at night. You sleep with two fans, turn on the AC, and have a tall glass of water at your bedside because you have night sweats and hot flashes... Holy Menopause? Nope PREGNANT.
11. You get home from work, change into your largest sweatpants, curl up on the couch and don't move until bedtime. You feel like a complete super slug and you are exhausted as you fall asleep at 8:00pm! It is a lot of work making a placenta.
12. You wish you could share your fatigue and nausea with your hubby so he could take some of it away.
13. You find yourself hiding from friends because the thought of going out to your favorite restaurant makes you queasy and you think your friends will totally find out your secret. You simply go into hibernation. You are not ready to tell the world you have a bun in the oven.
14. You sample every prenatal vitamin on the market convinced that there has to be one out there that won't make you more nauseated than you already are.
15. You look in the mirror and think, "What pregnancy glow?" I look like I'm 16 again with acne all over... this is bull!!!!
16. You make the mistake of Google-ing "pregnancy" on-line over and over again only to freak yourself out even more.
17. You have a favorite brand of pregnancy tests because you have taken so many just to make sure you really are pregnant.
18. Your boobs changed over night. They are larger, darker, and veins have appeared. If someone accidentally grazes that region you will want to punch them in the face. IT REALLY HURTS!
19. You can smell everything. You smell all your coworkers fabric softener in there cute clothing, coffee from a mile away, and men's cologne is extra pungent (which might make you a bit queazy).
20. You get moments during your day when you think... "Holy cow... I am growing a person!" You pat yourself on the back, stick out your chest, and hold your head high and say, "I am awesome!"
21. You start keeping a list of baby names on your iphone in the notes section and jot down a name every time you hear a potential good one!
22. You walk around the grocery store for hours trying to find something that sounds appealing to you and that is healthy. You finally give up and leave with only beagles, pretzels, popcorn, ginger ale, and cheese (which still upsets your stomach).
23. You may have fallen asleep at your computer at work. It happens.
24. You have crazy DREAMS almost every night that either frightens you or make think you are on drugs.
25. You call your mom all the time and exchange pregnancy stories and to whine: "Mom, when you had me did...x,y,z.. occur?" "Mom did you see how much car seats costs?" "Mom are my boobs going to sag after breastfeeding?" "Mommy.... I don't feel good."
26. You won't ever look at fruit the same way again due to that pregnancy app. you downloaded that compares your baby to a lime, a plum and a peach each growing week.
27. Your boss starts giving you odd looks and you know she is thinking, "I know your secret... just come out and say it."
28. You have become an expert at excusing yourself from social situations to run to the bathroom barf, clean yourself up, pop a mint, and keep rolling and no one is the wiser.
29. Your addiction to Pinterest has significantly increases and your pins have changed from weddings, food, and crafts to, "Successful Breast feeding Tips" and "Top 10 cute nursery ideas."
30. You are gassy and burping all the time. You sound like you just walked away from an Oktoberfest fest after sampling all the finest beers and you can't stop burping. Thank- you so much hormones.
31. You start to carry hand sanitizer with you any place you go and take a bath in it. There is no way I'm getting sick while I'm pregnant!
32. You all the of the sudden see pregnant women, kids, and for some reason puppies everywhere you go.
33. Everyone will want to give you advise. Just smile and nod.
34. You will find your own little cures for nausea. For example: green grapes, gold fish, and lemon drop hard candy eaten every 2 hours.
35. Your love for your husband increases 1000x because he has been so helpful and has been putting up with your craziness for the last 3 months without any complaints.
2. You will not be able to cook for yourself for the next month and a half because every time you reach in the refrigerator to grab that spinach salad or some chicken... you will want to your hurl.
3. You crave and Taco Bell burritos because that is the only thing that sounds appealing to you. You order the fine cuisine "to go" and eat it in your car like a fatty.
4. You for some reason become super sensitive to cheese and other dairy products.
5. You have a clear mucous fluid-like discharge in your underwear all the time. This leaking feeling makes you constantly think your are bleeding. You run to the bathroom all the time checking. Then you find out that this phenomenon is completely normal and actually has a medical name to it called "leukorrhea." It is your body's way of keeping everything clean. Interesting isn't it?
6. Your husband cracks open an beer and you say, "I just want a taste, just a little taste!"
7. You have a favorite bathroom stall at work and get pissed when you walk into the bathroom and someone else is using it. That is where you pee every 30 mins. you have become attached.
8. A Nalgene water bottle becomes part of your fashion. You find yourself carrying it everywhere you go. You have to stay hydrated only to pee it all out 15 minutes later.
9. You start to have an unhealthy obsession with your profile and you are constantly looking at yourself in the mirror, windows, or anything with a reflection to see if you belly is popping out.
10. You want to cuddle with dear husband but find yourself on FIRE at night. You sleep with two fans, turn on the AC, and have a tall glass of water at your bedside because you have night sweats and hot flashes... Holy Menopause? Nope PREGNANT.
11. You get home from work, change into your largest sweatpants, curl up on the couch and don't move until bedtime. You feel like a complete super slug and you are exhausted as you fall asleep at 8:00pm! It is a lot of work making a placenta.
12. You wish you could share your fatigue and nausea with your hubby so he could take some of it away.
13. You find yourself hiding from friends because the thought of going out to your favorite restaurant makes you queasy and you think your friends will totally find out your secret. You simply go into hibernation. You are not ready to tell the world you have a bun in the oven.
14. You sample every prenatal vitamin on the market convinced that there has to be one out there that won't make you more nauseated than you already are.
15. You look in the mirror and think, "What pregnancy glow?" I look like I'm 16 again with acne all over... this is bull!!!!
16. You make the mistake of Google-ing "pregnancy" on-line over and over again only to freak yourself out even more.
17. You have a favorite brand of pregnancy tests because you have taken so many just to make sure you really are pregnant.
18. Your boobs changed over night. They are larger, darker, and veins have appeared. If someone accidentally grazes that region you will want to punch them in the face. IT REALLY HURTS!
19. You can smell everything. You smell all your coworkers fabric softener in there cute clothing, coffee from a mile away, and men's cologne is extra pungent (which might make you a bit queazy).
20. You get moments during your day when you think... "Holy cow... I am growing a person!" You pat yourself on the back, stick out your chest, and hold your head high and say, "I am awesome!"
21. You start keeping a list of baby names on your iphone in the notes section and jot down a name every time you hear a potential good one!
22. You walk around the grocery store for hours trying to find something that sounds appealing to you and that is healthy. You finally give up and leave with only beagles, pretzels, popcorn, ginger ale, and cheese (which still upsets your stomach).
23. You may have fallen asleep at your computer at work. It happens.
24. You have crazy DREAMS almost every night that either frightens you or make think you are on drugs.
25. You call your mom all the time and exchange pregnancy stories and to whine: "Mom, when you had me did...x,y,z.. occur?" "Mom did you see how much car seats costs?" "Mom are my boobs going to sag after breastfeeding?" "Mommy.... I don't feel good."
26. You won't ever look at fruit the same way again due to that pregnancy app. you downloaded that compares your baby to a lime, a plum and a peach each growing week.
27. Your boss starts giving you odd looks and you know she is thinking, "I know your secret... just come out and say it."
28. You have become an expert at excusing yourself from social situations to run to the bathroom barf, clean yourself up, pop a mint, and keep rolling and no one is the wiser.
29. Your addiction to Pinterest has significantly increases and your pins have changed from weddings, food, and crafts to, "Successful Breast feeding Tips" and "Top 10 cute nursery ideas."
30. You are gassy and burping all the time. You sound like you just walked away from an Oktoberfest fest after sampling all the finest beers and you can't stop burping. Thank- you so much hormones.
31. You start to carry hand sanitizer with you any place you go and take a bath in it. There is no way I'm getting sick while I'm pregnant!
32. You all the of the sudden see pregnant women, kids, and for some reason puppies everywhere you go.
33. Everyone will want to give you advise. Just smile and nod.
34. You will find your own little cures for nausea. For example: green grapes, gold fish, and lemon drop hard candy eaten every 2 hours.
35. Your love for your husband increases 1000x because he has been so helpful and has been putting up with your craziness for the last 3 months without any complaints.